Testimony from Depression

Given the recent celebrity suicide, it seems appropriate to post a letter Mrs. Terrell received following Dr. Terrell's death:

I just wanted to let you know that Hilton Terrell saved my life.... I had been feeling bad (not sick), and extremely anxious, and it proceeded to get progressively worse over time. I hardly slept or ate and had lost down to approximately 130 pounds. I had no idea what was happening to me, and I felt like I had no control over anything, but I had too much pride to tell anyone what was going on. 

What I did not know was that I was spiraling down into deep depression. I never even knew anything like that was possible. It was worse than any physical pain I had ever endured. I finally broke down and went to see [my pastor]. It was he who recommended that I contact Hilton. 

At that point in time I had not considered suicide, but I had reached the point where I fully understood how someone could do it. I knew that if something could not be done for me I probably would reach the point of considering suicide, or, at the very least, my body would stop functioning due to lack of sleep and food. 

Out of desperation I called Hilton at home on a Saturday to let him know of my situation, and to ask if he could help me. I was wondering how I would survive until whenever he would set the appointment. To my surprise he asked me to come to his office the next day (Sunday). I made it through that Saturday night and drove to [see him] on Sunday hoping and praying for a miracle. 

Hilton spent hours with me and only charged me $25.00 (he told me that was his normal fee). To this day I have known only one other doctor ... that I believe was in the profession for the sole purpose of helping people. 

Hilton stayed there with me until he was sure I had nothing else to say. During our continuous conversation I kept telling him how I felt, what I wanted to happen, what I did not want to happen, what had happened to me, etc. Hilton, in his wisdom, kept asking me, but continuously phrasing it differently, what had I done for others? 

In essence, what Hilton was continuously telling me was that I needed to get my focus off of myself and on to others. He gave me a prescription for some kind of antidepressant, and told me it might take a few days to get into my system. Fortunately for me it allowed me to get a full night's sleep that very first night for the first time in months (I had been sleeping an hour or two each night). 

Hilton told me that he fully believed that there was a physical side to peoples' problems because why else would God have placed things on this earth to be used as medicine. Hilton also told me, though, that he believed that there was a spiritual side to peoples' problems. I learned a lot from him that day. 

I began putting into practice what Hilton taught me, and was able to take myself off of the antidepressant within a couple of months. At that time I still did not feel "normal," but over time, and with practicing what I learned from Hilton, I gradually got better. I have not had any more trouble with depression since. Hilton saved my life, and I will never forget that.

Sin or Biochemistry?

Medical doctors and others are always incorrect when they state or infer that we are not responsible for our life, that we are morally victimized. When we are told that we are not responsible for our depression, that is usually not correct. Man is always responsible for how he manages his life, including management of a depression, and is usually responsible for the depression itself. Sometimes, however, it appears that an individual is not responsible for the occurrence of a depressed-feeling state. Some situations are just messy enough to preclude our ability to sort out precisely the contribution of faulty (sinful) life patterns and faulty biochemistry. A thorough counselor always can uncover sin in a counselee’s life. It does not follow that the depression is a specific result of that or any particular sin, nor that dealing with the sin will remove the depression…

Moreover, just because depression usually is related to sin, can we be sure that all depressions are and eschew biochemistry in principle?

The relationship of body and spirit is integral so that tracing the source of feelings and motivational states sometimes can be impossible. It is relatively easy for a physician to trace a depression to a medication being given for another problem. Stop administering the medicine and the depression remits. Experiences like this strongly encourage physicians to believe that chemicals are causative of depression and that the chemicals could be as easily produced by a defective body as introduced into the body by a defective treatment. Likewise, it may be relatively easy for a counselor to trace a depression to a specific pattern of sin and see the depression remit as the sin is handled biblically. An impression may be encouraged that depression is thus produced always. Since depression is not a biblical word, we must be cautious in adducing Scripture to address it. There certainly are passages in Scripture which seem to reflect clearly what we today term depression, but we are retrofitting modern terminology. Wherever He has provided it, God’s terminology is the best to use to describe our problems...

If I feel miserable, have lost my ‘get up and go,’ have little interest in socialization, have no appetite, and feel like weeping when there is no provocation to do so, someone is likely to suggest that I am depressed. Such a state could arise from the body, from sinful habits, or from both. In any case, I am responsible for how I manage this state. If I give in to my feelings and fail to meet my responsibilities because I don’t feel like it, I am managing my depression sinfully. If a counselor uncovers a pattern of sin that seems to relate to my situation, I should put off the pattern and put on God’s pattern. If a physician has good reason to believe that I am flawed biochemically, there is no necessary sin in trying chemicals to correct the putative flaw, provided I do not neglect the former avenues. The Christian counselor’s forte is to point out my duty to fulfill responsibilities irrespective of my feeling state and to detect sins that could have led to my depression. Physicians do foul up the situation by exclusively teaching biochemical causes of feeling state, leaving Christian counselors with some deprogramming to do.


An excerpt from "A Caution Against Overstating the Case"